Many of you know that my dad passed away over two years ago (my goodness, has it been that long). Oh gosh, it will be 3 years in February. Where does the time go. Anyway, my dad was a bit of a prankster. He especially liked to pull pranks on my mom. My sisters and I? Well we figured him out when we were pretty young - probably because he passed along what we call his "shithead" gene to us girls and we thought too much like him to fall victim. Heck, one winter, my youngest sister came home from school to find my mom sitting on the floor by the wood burning fireplace crunching pieces of newspaper into a very neat, specific shape. She was making extreme efforts to start at one corner, roll them ever so tightly at a diagonal as she scrunched it all to the center. Oh, she apparently had quite the pile of these pieces of paper. "Why?", you ask, was she doing such a ridiculous thing? Dad. Yep, dad had told her that if she rolled them that way they would burn better, thus starting the fire better. Now, you all must realize that my mother had been married to my father for over 20 years at that point. Needless to say, she was quite gullable. My dad came into the house with an armfull of wood as my sister gave a sideways glace my mother's direction. My dad gave my sister his signature shit eating grin and a wink - which was a sign not to let on to my mom that she (my sister) knew what he was up to. Of course, my sister let my mom finish her project before she informed her that dad had just played a joke on her.
So why am I retelling all of this? Because this morning I was dusting my fireplace mantle and I remembered that story. And on my fireplace mantle I have this wood carving of a man with crazy-ass hair on a motorcyle that my daughter gave me for mother's day the year before dad passed away. On that wood carving is a necklace that my daughter braided. On that necklace is a locket that has some of dad's ashes in it (I know, gross - but it made my mother happy). My dad was a bike rider - so we couldn't help but to put that necklace on the carving. Next to that carving is another wood carving of a giraffe that I bought in the Virgin Islands. You know, because there are ever so many giraffes running wild in the Virgin Islands. So, as I was remembering dad and his antics, I thought I would put that giraffe's butt right up against the motorcyle rider. Try to fix that, dad. LOL Now, if that fucking giraffe is moved tomorrow morning - well I guess then dad is still the king of pranksters.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Don't Tell Anyone
Seriously, I cannot believe I am about to say this....................it seems something weird is going on..............and I don't even have a full moon to blame it on.................................okay, here it goes: I caught Justin Timberlake on Oprah yesterday and now I am considering going out and buying his CD. *GASP* Now, now - in my defense, he was on there with Reba singing a duet. So in reality I was watching Reba and he just happened to be there. But I found him completely adorable when he was talking to Oprah. What is up with that? To make things seem even more desparate, I even went and checked out his website. *Gasp* I am not completely gone, though - as I didn't sign up for his enewsletter nor did I become a member of his fan club. But I do have a trip planned to Wally World tomorrow to pick up some tomatoes for a pasta receipe I saw on Rachel Ray and I am stopping by the music section.............................I need help. Or maybe I just need a fucking job so I stop watching so much tv in the afternoons.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Don't Give the Professor Sugar
Alright, I admit it - I like listening to my political science professor lecture. He is a complete nerd, and if I had actually paid any attention in civics or history in highschool I'd probably not find it as enlightening. But I didn't, so I do. And, this was a class that I was dredding having to sit through. The guy has started to grow on me. However, tonight the little feller was a bit of a lunatic. He'd start out behind the podium, move in front of the podium, sit on the table beside the podium and at one point actually laid on the table beside the podium. He was making jokes only he found amusing - okay, one of the 18 year old kids was laughing too - but that doesn't count because 18 year olds don't really know what is funny. And he couldn't seem to stop himself from doing impressions - bad impressions. His George Bush sounds exactly like his Ross Perot. Finally, after class was over he did apologize and say that he had too many Dr. Peppers. Thank goodness, I was beginning to think he had spent too much time in his other classes today doing his Darth Vadar impression, thus restricting his oxygen intake (I told you he was a geek). When class started he went to Youtube to show us a clip from one of the Republican debates - but before he found what he was looking for he showed us the Dramatic Chipmunk. Have you seen this? It is funny as hell, but not nearly as funny as watching him giggle like a little girl while he watched it.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Isn't America grand! You can get laid off, collect unemployment, and can watch tv all day long. Actually I only watch Rachel Ray in the morning and then do chores and projects. But this morning during a commercial, I was flipping the channels and low and behold, there it was, The Jerry Springer Show. It was like a car wreck. I knew there would be moral consequences for watching it - all with the hope of seeing some carnage or blood or something disgusting. But I couldn't help myself I stayed there for several minutes in awe. I watched enough of it to see two pale, hairy, ugly, skinny men in spandex half shirts and shorts on either side of a chunky, equally pale girl as the man on the right contended that he only slept with the girl's brother twice (he was the man on the left). The man on the right was explaining that he was just experimenting with her brother - but he LOVED her.
Good gracious - I feel like I need to shower just re-telling the tale. How do people watch that shit? Maybe I was doing it wrong. I had showered, brushed my teeth and didn't have on a moo-moo or lycra pants. I was eating oatmeal instead of smoking a Marlboro drinking a Millwaukee's Best. Maybe that was the problem. There was even a nasty chick in the audience lifting up her shirt to show a handwritten note on her stomach that said "HI MOM". Her mother must be so proud.
Good gracious - I feel like I need to shower just re-telling the tale. How do people watch that shit? Maybe I was doing it wrong. I had showered, brushed my teeth and didn't have on a moo-moo or lycra pants. I was eating oatmeal instead of smoking a Marlboro drinking a Millwaukee's Best. Maybe that was the problem. There was even a nasty chick in the audience lifting up her shirt to show a handwritten note on her stomach that said "HI MOM". Her mother must be so proud.
Sucker or Savior? You be the judge.
Today is the day that I either:
1. Became a sucker
2. Did a good deed
I'd like to hope that it is #2. This afternoon I was at the gas station, finishing up pumping my gas, when I heard an "excuse me". I turned to see an average looking man in his 50's. He proceeded to tell me that he is driving his wife, who is disabled, to Columbia, Missouri. Her mother, who is in her 80's, just had a heart attack and they needed to get to the hoptital. I turned to the area he was gesturing to and saw a very heavy women (okay, she was FAT) sitting in an old chevy. He continued to tell me that he stopped at several churches to ask for assistance in getting his wife to see her dying mother, but they wouldn't help him. He asked me if I believed that they wouldn't help him. He said he couldn't understand it - that churches were supposed to help - but they wouldn't. I told him I had a few bucks to spare and gave him $10. But I looked him straight in the eye and told him that I never believed in Church, but I do belive in God and good deeds. I told him that I also believe that there is a hell and that if he is taking my $10 to scam me then he will most likely be burning in that hell. He took the money with some apprehension, thanked me and then walked over to the gas pump and pumped his gas. The more I think about it, the more I think I am a sucker. Oh well, it was part of the unemployment check I got on Friday anyway - so it really wasn't my money for very long anyway. LOL
1. Became a sucker
2. Did a good deed
I'd like to hope that it is #2. This afternoon I was at the gas station, finishing up pumping my gas, when I heard an "excuse me". I turned to see an average looking man in his 50's. He proceeded to tell me that he is driving his wife, who is disabled, to Columbia, Missouri. Her mother, who is in her 80's, just had a heart attack and they needed to get to the hoptital. I turned to the area he was gesturing to and saw a very heavy women (okay, she was FAT) sitting in an old chevy. He continued to tell me that he stopped at several churches to ask for assistance in getting his wife to see her dying mother, but they wouldn't help him. He asked me if I believed that they wouldn't help him. He said he couldn't understand it - that churches were supposed to help - but they wouldn't. I told him I had a few bucks to spare and gave him $10. But I looked him straight in the eye and told him that I never believed in Church, but I do belive in God and good deeds. I told him that I also believe that there is a hell and that if he is taking my $10 to scam me then he will most likely be burning in that hell. He took the money with some apprehension, thanked me and then walked over to the gas pump and pumped his gas. The more I think about it, the more I think I am a sucker. Oh well, it was part of the unemployment check I got on Friday anyway - so it really wasn't my money for very long anyway. LOL
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Paige Told Me to Update My Blog
.........and so I am.
It seems my extended summer vacation (0therwise known as unemployment) continues. I did manage to go on an interview last week. I haven't heard a peep good or bad about it - so I am following the old saying, "No news is good news." The interview felt good. The folks I talked seemed like folks I could work with and have a good time working with. The job would be a great job. Time will tell.
In the meantime, I have started more outdoor projects since the temperatures have subsided a bit. I have managed to remove a wood fence and almost replace it with electric tape. The tape will go up tomorrow. During this project, I got to use my new cordless saw. I really love that saw. It is now my most favorite battery operated tool. It seems to make me sweat more than my previously favorite battery operated tool. And, I can use it outside in broad daylight without worrying about someone dropping by unexpectedly. LOL
I have also managed to add "staining the deck" to my list of things to do. I thought this project would be quick. Yeah right. I managed to get about 1/3 of the deck cleaned this afternoon. I bought a nifty brush on the end of a pole that you hook up to the garden hose. I had no idea that f*cking deck was so filthy. And it ain't a small deck. The thing goes from the front of the house around the entire side. I think it is about a big as a football field - or it seems that way when you have a 10 inch brush on the end of a pole trying to scrub it clean.
My college classes began last week. I have managed to subject myself to Political Science, Geometry and Computer Information Systems this semester. Poly Sci is being taught by a man that finds himself much more humorous than I do. And to make matters worse, there are two "kids" in the class that seem to think the man is a funny, funny guy. I am seriously thinking about bribing them with candy at the end of each class if they promise to cease laughing at the man. My Geometry teacher is Sister John. It seems odd to me that a Sister would be teaching about lines, planes, rays, congruent angles and such nonesense. But she is there, and I do find her amusing. She caught me snickering about two hours into the class the other night and thought the look on my face meant I was confused. HA! Thankfully, the Computer Info Systems class is an on-line class. We had to post three things about ourselves so that our fellow classmates could get an idea of who their classmates are. This is what I posted:
Three things about myself:
1. People tell me I look like Christy Brinkley
2. I think I look like Christy Brinkley
3. I tend to drink a lot which makes me exagerate the truth
All the other posts were completely respectable points about my classmates like what their major is, if they have kids, are married, in the service, bla, bla, bla. How boring is that. If I cannot have fun with my education, I am giving up. Just wait until my Poly Sci professor gets to read my paper on "The Republican Noise Machine." He is going to regret ever telling us to make it interesting and if we want to express our opinions to please feel free to add any arguments. Oh he does not know the power he has just given me. Mooooo, haaaa, haaaa, haaaa.
It seems my extended summer vacation (0therwise known as unemployment) continues. I did manage to go on an interview last week. I haven't heard a peep good or bad about it - so I am following the old saying, "No news is good news." The interview felt good. The folks I talked seemed like folks I could work with and have a good time working with. The job would be a great job. Time will tell.
In the meantime, I have started more outdoor projects since the temperatures have subsided a bit. I have managed to remove a wood fence and almost replace it with electric tape. The tape will go up tomorrow. During this project, I got to use my new cordless saw. I really love that saw. It is now my most favorite battery operated tool. It seems to make me sweat more than my previously favorite battery operated tool. And, I can use it outside in broad daylight without worrying about someone dropping by unexpectedly. LOL
I have also managed to add "staining the deck" to my list of things to do. I thought this project would be quick. Yeah right. I managed to get about 1/3 of the deck cleaned this afternoon. I bought a nifty brush on the end of a pole that you hook up to the garden hose. I had no idea that f*cking deck was so filthy. And it ain't a small deck. The thing goes from the front of the house around the entire side. I think it is about a big as a football field - or it seems that way when you have a 10 inch brush on the end of a pole trying to scrub it clean.
My college classes began last week. I have managed to subject myself to Political Science, Geometry and Computer Information Systems this semester. Poly Sci is being taught by a man that finds himself much more humorous than I do. And to make matters worse, there are two "kids" in the class that seem to think the man is a funny, funny guy. I am seriously thinking about bribing them with candy at the end of each class if they promise to cease laughing at the man. My Geometry teacher is Sister John. It seems odd to me that a Sister would be teaching about lines, planes, rays, congruent angles and such nonesense. But she is there, and I do find her amusing. She caught me snickering about two hours into the class the other night and thought the look on my face meant I was confused. HA! Thankfully, the Computer Info Systems class is an on-line class. We had to post three things about ourselves so that our fellow classmates could get an idea of who their classmates are. This is what I posted:
Three things about myself:
1. People tell me I look like Christy Brinkley
2. I think I look like Christy Brinkley
3. I tend to drink a lot which makes me exagerate the truth
All the other posts were completely respectable points about my classmates like what their major is, if they have kids, are married, in the service, bla, bla, bla. How boring is that. If I cannot have fun with my education, I am giving up. Just wait until my Poly Sci professor gets to read my paper on "The Republican Noise Machine." He is going to regret ever telling us to make it interesting and if we want to express our opinions to please feel free to add any arguments. Oh he does not know the power he has just given me. Mooooo, haaaa, haaaa, haaaa.
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Is It Thursday Already?
Where does the time go? It is like being on summer vacation when you were a kid. I have only been home this week without a real job and I have already lost track of the days.
Well, I met with the outplacement guy yesterday - at the mall - while I watched teenage girls wearing too much makeup parading around as teenage boys followed them. There was also your occassional retired couple and of course mothers with strollers looking like they just needed to get out of the house and see other grown up human beings.
My guy, Paul, was what I expected. A white male in his late 50's who hadn't had a corporate job for sometime now. He was an old HR guy - another big surprise. Oh, he was nice enough, but I kept finding my mind wandering to the Aunt Annies Pretzles that sat across the way, just behind his head. I am already bored of the process with this ouplacement service. I am already bored of the tests and of the workbook I am supposed to fill out using descriptive adjectives to describe myself. I told him it was all bull shit (and I used those words). He didn't understand. I told him it was all crap, fake, bullshit and I didn't want to network, I didn't want to "think outside of the box", I didn't want to call myself a professional marketing analyst. I told him the lady standing on the corner was a professional. He didn't find the humor in it. That's okay, I did. LOL
After my 2 hours at the mall with Paul, I found myself at Eckerts Orchard hoping that they had some peaches. They had some and today I will be making a beautiful peach cobbler after I go get some grain, pick up the weed wacker that I broke earlier this week, and try to find a laptop computer for the kid to go off to college with. Wish me luck.
Well, I met with the outplacement guy yesterday - at the mall - while I watched teenage girls wearing too much makeup parading around as teenage boys followed them. There was also your occassional retired couple and of course mothers with strollers looking like they just needed to get out of the house and see other grown up human beings.
My guy, Paul, was what I expected. A white male in his late 50's who hadn't had a corporate job for sometime now. He was an old HR guy - another big surprise. Oh, he was nice enough, but I kept finding my mind wandering to the Aunt Annies Pretzles that sat across the way, just behind his head. I am already bored of the process with this ouplacement service. I am already bored of the tests and of the workbook I am supposed to fill out using descriptive adjectives to describe myself. I told him it was all bull shit (and I used those words). He didn't understand. I told him it was all crap, fake, bullshit and I didn't want to network, I didn't want to "think outside of the box", I didn't want to call myself a professional marketing analyst. I told him the lady standing on the corner was a professional. He didn't find the humor in it. That's okay, I did. LOL
After my 2 hours at the mall with Paul, I found myself at Eckerts Orchard hoping that they had some peaches. They had some and today I will be making a beautiful peach cobbler after I go get some grain, pick up the weed wacker that I broke earlier this week, and try to find a laptop computer for the kid to go off to college with. Wish me luck.
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