Tip for the Day

Hey, if you are driving a piece of shit silver car, are in front of me on the back-country roads in the morning as I am trying to get to work and you are only driving 35 fucking miles per hour, how about you change your license plate from "Q Silver" to "I M A SLOW FUCK" and then get the hell out of my way.

Seriously?

Has it really been two months since I posted? I guess it has.

So now, let me see - what the hell have I been up to? Not much really.

First of all - I did buy the Justin Timberlake CD and I listen to it almost every morning on my way to work. Yes, that's right. I am sick - but I cannot help it. My husband thinks I have lost my mind.

Ummm, what else. Well - I am actually in Dallas, Texas at the moment. On my way from the office (where I am in training) to the hotel, I drove past a Cavenders - once. Yep, the second time I stopped - and bought a new pair of boots. Hell, I needed a new pair of boots and I figured it was a sign that Cavenders was just down the street from the office. It must have been right?
The only thing I ever look forward to when I travel is watching cable tv. We don't have cable/dish/direct tv at the house. So I am typically in awe of what is on tv when there are more than 4 channels. However this time around, all I have managed to see way too much girl on girl action on Showtime. Seriously, it seems everytime I have turned the tv on, it is there. Of course, I told my husband about it and he said he never gets those kind of channels when he is traveling. Huh? Gee, I just must be lucky I guess. Goodness sakes. And to make matters worse, I stumbled upon Fox News and Bill O'Reilly who had Kinky Friedman providing commentary on the election. Shit, I try to get awy from the boobs to stumble upon even bigger boobs. I hate Bill O'Reilly.

On the flight out here, there was a little person on my flight. I saw that as a good sign - especially since it is so close to St. Patricks day. Right?

I couldn't enroll for this semester at school since I was traveling the first two weeks of the semester for work. So now I am contemplating taking piano lessons. Of course, that could only prove that I have absolutely no musical ability. I do remember playing the flute in gradeschool. Which means at one point I could actually read music. But now that I think about it, my parents used to make me go out to the barn to play the damn thing.........................

I did buy a digital camera, so hopefully I will start posting pictures with my ever witty commentary (shut up).

I am having way too much fun laughing with one of my new co-workers. He provide me with shit like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qO0Xpn725D0

Substitutes - There is no Substitue

Oh holy hell. I was looking forward to one damn thing today and that was political science class. That meant I wasn't going home, to sit on the couch, while I kept telling myself that I was going to get up and exercise every 15 minutes - and yet never actually do it. But what did I have to deal with when I walked into class? A substitute - that was as entertaining as paint drying. OMG! The one girl warned me as I was walking down the hall. She flagged me down to tell me that there was a sub - and she had him before - and he was BORING! She isn't a liar.

He droned on and on and on - the subject was the judiciary branch. When he got to "code" law he proceeded to explain about Europe, and how the Celtics were overtaken by the Romans who were overtaken by the Vikings who then moved to an island (probably because they were embarassed). My mind wandered to the geometry homework that I needed to work on when I got home---------------I began to doodle-------------he then explained how the Vikings were ultimately defeated by the French----------------wait a minute--------------did he say the French beat the Vikings? ----------------------what the fuck?----------------- the French actually won something? And they kicked the shit out of the Vikings. --------My mind wandered to men in metal helmet with horns sticking out the sides wearing pink tu-tus running from men wearing berets----------------------then I began taking notes:

European League
Celtics lose to the Romans, Europe now speaking Latin
Romans defeated by Vikings - not sure what language they are speaking - probably Spanish like half of America now
In an unpredictable upset, the Vikings are spanked by the French - Europe now saying things like "Ooh, la, la" and "croissant"

It was 3 useless hours after that.

I am Updating my Blog

There, now Jackie will be happy. I am updating my blog. Are you happy now Jackie? LOL

Let's see, what has been going on?

Well, first of all, I am finally gainfully employed - no longer on the dole - and am contributing to my 401K again. Great news! Now I can retire in 40 fucking years. Ugggggg.

My new job took me to Las Vegas last week for a conference. I was in Vegas for a day and a half and didn't even get to the strip. The conference was about 30 minutes off the strip. WTF? Why fly everyone to Vegas and keep them from the strip? Doesn't make a whole lotta sense to me - but I am simple.

School is cranking along. I am also getting an A in my Political Science class. I think I have posted this before, but I really like this class. Tonight I got the paper back that I had to write about "The Republican Noise Machine". The book completely blew, but my paper turned out much better than I had ever anticipated. Of course, it took me about three weeks to write it. It was torture. Who in the hell wants to read a book about what someone else thinks about politics, much less write about a book about what someone else thinks about politics? I sure as hell don't. The comment I received on the paper (alongside my A+) was: "Excellent work! Both a good examination of the book and of the overall topic." I got a few notes in the margins like "ha, ha" and "interesting" and "good points". The paper was complete bullshit with a bunch of funny anecdotes splashed in here and there. I had every intention of making it completely serious, but alas, I am not capable. What a bad, bad, bad book. Do not waste your time reading it.

But where there is an A, there is also a C - in geometry. It still seems Greek to me, it is a wonder I get any of the problems right. I will be happy when the class is OVER next month. I am going to get drunk.

What else...............................oh, we got a new couch. I big ass leather sectional. The thing is HUGE. I am not so sure I like it, but it was a compromise between what I like and what my husband likes - which is ugly assed poofy furniture. He goes directly for comfort and not looks (which might be why he married me come to think of it).

Jehovah Witnesses

I have been waiting for a package to arrive for a few days now. So, this morning when the dog barked to announce that someone had pulled up I opened the door to see who it was - fully expecting it to be an UPS truck or the mailman to deliver my package. Much to my dismay, it was a mini-van. Shit, that could only mean one thing at 11:00 in the morning on a weekday - Jehovah Witnesses. I thought about slamming the door shut and just ignoring them, but they had seen me and were starting to get out of their vehicle. I stood on the porch as I watched them meander down our stone pathway in the rain as Nanner (the alarm) followed behind. Damn dog, why couldn't she have made a stand and kept on barking. No, no - she has to let them out of the van to see if they might have some treats or whatnot. That is what the propane delivery guy brings and she seems to think everyone else should be on the same program. They manage to make it to the porch as I greet them with a "what the fuck do you want" stare. They smile and begin to tell me what a beautiful place I have. Yeah, yeah - just get on with it already is all I can think. But I tell them thanks. Then the pamphlets start flying. They ask me if I think we should live for just today or should we make longer term plans. I tell them I think living for today is fine because there is no guarantee of tomorrow. They really didn't like that answer. Then they ask me if I have kids. I had many, many smart-assed comments running through my head like, "No, the authorities took them away." Or, "No, they told me since I married my brother that I really shouldn't have kids." But instead I admitted that I had one. They wanted to know how old my kid was, for the one had 2 kids and the other had 3 kids and they were worried about how scary it can be nowadays for kids. I told them my kid was grown. They looked at each other in surprise and then looked back at me. One exclaimed that I didn't look old enough to have a grown child. While I should have reveled in the compliment I had to tell them that I got started pretty early and live a very clean life. They smiled at that (HA!). Then the one pulled out her bible and opened it. Well, that was about all I could take. I politely touched one of them on the arm and told her I appreciated that she came over and walked down the path in the rain, but I didn't have time to chat with them. Again, I had many options running through my head as to why like, "I need to get back to my lover before my husband got home", or "I was in the middle of sacrificing a goat when you pulled in", or "I need to get back to cleaning my guns." But I opted for a much nicer lie and told them I needed to get into the shower because I had a meeting to get to. Of course they left me the pamphlets which I now have sitting on the counter tormenting my husband. LOL

My Sister Came A Visitin'

Okay, do you all remember the a capella story I told a while back? Well, my sister came over this weekend and we were talking about this and talking about that when the subject of movies came up. She mentioned she has gone to see the new Jody Foster movie (which she highly recommends). I mentioned I saw 3:10 to Yuma (which I recommend). We were discussing these different movies when she says, "Did they show the singing group before your movie?" To which I replied, "Why yes, yes they did. And I laughed my ass off." Oh, we started giggling at the memory of those grown men prancing around the stage making there animated faces. She said she was giggling at the movie theater as she watched the spectacle of it all and some lady asks loudly, "What is so funny?" Well, apparently that was all it took and she proceeded to howl like a mad woman. This, apparently, completely offended the questioner, which - my sister said - made her howl even more. She said she almost had to dump out her popcorn so she could use the bag to breathe into to keep from hyperventilating. So there it is folks, there is no denying that we are sisters. I just thank god that we weren't in the same theater at the same time. The authorities might have been called. *SNORK*

Wanna-Be Midget Cowboys & Urban Cowboys

So, I was at school the other night and noticed a cowboy hat out of the corner of my eye. As I turned to see who might this "cowboy" be I also noticed that the wearer of this cowboy hat was sporting some seriously U-G-L-Y fake snake skin boots. Immediately the word "cowboy" went out of my head. This guy was a wanna-be. Upon further inspection I noticed this wanna-be had a large mass of jangling keys attached to his belt loop. He had the hat, complete with a big ole sparkly hat band. He had the belt and he had his boots. Oh boy, oh boy. But instead of a rope and a horse he had a dust rag and a garbage can on wheels. Yes, he was the janitor. At first I thought maybe it was closer to Halloween than I realized. Afterall, I have been on unofficial summer vacation for a few months now. Hell, most of the time I don't know what day of the week it is. But I digress. To make things worse with this wanna-be, and my friend Paige will completely enjoy this part, this wanna-be was about 5 feet tall. And keep in mind, he had at least an inch of heel on those fake ass snake skin boots. Then I felt bad, why can't he dress up like a cowboy as he cleans toilets and sweeps the halls? It is America afterall. If he wants to look like some freak ass midget cowboy janitor then who am I to say?

Then just tonight the thought of this wanna-be came to mind and it spurred me (no pun intended) to watch Urban Cowboy. Oh my, oh my. I watched that movie for a month straight on cable when I was a kid. When Bud spoke the words, "Some cowboys are smart real good", it all came rushing back. My friend Lisa and I would watch it over and over and over again when it came on tv. One thing I have to say though - the movie has some awesome music. And at the end? When Bud put Sissy's nameplate back in the window of his truck. Well, I got tears in my eyes.