Jehovah Witnesses

I have been waiting for a package to arrive for a few days now. So, this morning when the dog barked to announce that someone had pulled up I opened the door to see who it was - fully expecting it to be an UPS truck or the mailman to deliver my package. Much to my dismay, it was a mini-van. Shit, that could only mean one thing at 11:00 in the morning on a weekday - Jehovah Witnesses. I thought about slamming the door shut and just ignoring them, but they had seen me and were starting to get out of their vehicle. I stood on the porch as I watched them meander down our stone pathway in the rain as Nanner (the alarm) followed behind. Damn dog, why couldn't she have made a stand and kept on barking. No, no - she has to let them out of the van to see if they might have some treats or whatnot. That is what the propane delivery guy brings and she seems to think everyone else should be on the same program. They manage to make it to the porch as I greet them with a "what the fuck do you want" stare. They smile and begin to tell me what a beautiful place I have. Yeah, yeah - just get on with it already is all I can think. But I tell them thanks. Then the pamphlets start flying. They ask me if I think we should live for just today or should we make longer term plans. I tell them I think living for today is fine because there is no guarantee of tomorrow. They really didn't like that answer. Then they ask me if I have kids. I had many, many smart-assed comments running through my head like, "No, the authorities took them away." Or, "No, they told me since I married my brother that I really shouldn't have kids." But instead I admitted that I had one. They wanted to know how old my kid was, for the one had 2 kids and the other had 3 kids and they were worried about how scary it can be nowadays for kids. I told them my kid was grown. They looked at each other in surprise and then looked back at me. One exclaimed that I didn't look old enough to have a grown child. While I should have reveled in the compliment I had to tell them that I got started pretty early and live a very clean life. They smiled at that (HA!). Then the one pulled out her bible and opened it. Well, that was about all I could take. I politely touched one of them on the arm and told her I appreciated that she came over and walked down the path in the rain, but I didn't have time to chat with them. Again, I had many options running through my head as to why like, "I need to get back to my lover before my husband got home", or "I was in the middle of sacrificing a goat when you pulled in", or "I need to get back to cleaning my guns." But I opted for a much nicer lie and told them I needed to get into the shower because I had a meeting to get to. Of course they left me the pamphlets which I now have sitting on the counter tormenting my husband. LOL

My Sister Came A Visitin'

Okay, do you all remember the a capella story I told a while back? Well, my sister came over this weekend and we were talking about this and talking about that when the subject of movies came up. She mentioned she has gone to see the new Jody Foster movie (which she highly recommends). I mentioned I saw 3:10 to Yuma (which I recommend). We were discussing these different movies when she says, "Did they show the singing group before your movie?" To which I replied, "Why yes, yes they did. And I laughed my ass off." Oh, we started giggling at the memory of those grown men prancing around the stage making there animated faces. She said she was giggling at the movie theater as she watched the spectacle of it all and some lady asks loudly, "What is so funny?" Well, apparently that was all it took and she proceeded to howl like a mad woman. This, apparently, completely offended the questioner, which - my sister said - made her howl even more. She said she almost had to dump out her popcorn so she could use the bag to breathe into to keep from hyperventilating. So there it is folks, there is no denying that we are sisters. I just thank god that we weren't in the same theater at the same time. The authorities might have been called. *SNORK*

Wanna-Be Midget Cowboys & Urban Cowboys

So, I was at school the other night and noticed a cowboy hat out of the corner of my eye. As I turned to see who might this "cowboy" be I also noticed that the wearer of this cowboy hat was sporting some seriously U-G-L-Y fake snake skin boots. Immediately the word "cowboy" went out of my head. This guy was a wanna-be. Upon further inspection I noticed this wanna-be had a large mass of jangling keys attached to his belt loop. He had the hat, complete with a big ole sparkly hat band. He had the belt and he had his boots. Oh boy, oh boy. But instead of a rope and a horse he had a dust rag and a garbage can on wheels. Yes, he was the janitor. At first I thought maybe it was closer to Halloween than I realized. Afterall, I have been on unofficial summer vacation for a few months now. Hell, most of the time I don't know what day of the week it is. But I digress. To make things worse with this wanna-be, and my friend Paige will completely enjoy this part, this wanna-be was about 5 feet tall. And keep in mind, he had at least an inch of heel on those fake ass snake skin boots. Then I felt bad, why can't he dress up like a cowboy as he cleans toilets and sweeps the halls? It is America afterall. If he wants to look like some freak ass midget cowboy janitor then who am I to say?

Then just tonight the thought of this wanna-be came to mind and it spurred me (no pun intended) to watch Urban Cowboy. Oh my, oh my. I watched that movie for a month straight on cable when I was a kid. When Bud spoke the words, "Some cowboys are smart real good", it all came rushing back. My friend Lisa and I would watch it over and over and over again when it came on tv. One thing I have to say though - the movie has some awesome music. And at the end? When Bud put Sissy's nameplate back in the window of his truck. Well, I got tears in my eyes.