Jehovah Witnesses

I have been waiting for a package to arrive for a few days now. So, this morning when the dog barked to announce that someone had pulled up I opened the door to see who it was - fully expecting it to be an UPS truck or the mailman to deliver my package. Much to my dismay, it was a mini-van. Shit, that could only mean one thing at 11:00 in the morning on a weekday - Jehovah Witnesses. I thought about slamming the door shut and just ignoring them, but they had seen me and were starting to get out of their vehicle. I stood on the porch as I watched them meander down our stone pathway in the rain as Nanner (the alarm) followed behind. Damn dog, why couldn't she have made a stand and kept on barking. No, no - she has to let them out of the van to see if they might have some treats or whatnot. That is what the propane delivery guy brings and she seems to think everyone else should be on the same program. They manage to make it to the porch as I greet them with a "what the fuck do you want" stare. They smile and begin to tell me what a beautiful place I have. Yeah, yeah - just get on with it already is all I can think. But I tell them thanks. Then the pamphlets start flying. They ask me if I think we should live for just today or should we make longer term plans. I tell them I think living for today is fine because there is no guarantee of tomorrow. They really didn't like that answer. Then they ask me if I have kids. I had many, many smart-assed comments running through my head like, "No, the authorities took them away." Or, "No, they told me since I married my brother that I really shouldn't have kids." But instead I admitted that I had one. They wanted to know how old my kid was, for the one had 2 kids and the other had 3 kids and they were worried about how scary it can be nowadays for kids. I told them my kid was grown. They looked at each other in surprise and then looked back at me. One exclaimed that I didn't look old enough to have a grown child. While I should have reveled in the compliment I had to tell them that I got started pretty early and live a very clean life. They smiled at that (HA!). Then the one pulled out her bible and opened it. Well, that was about all I could take. I politely touched one of them on the arm and told her I appreciated that she came over and walked down the path in the rain, but I didn't have time to chat with them. Again, I had many options running through my head as to why like, "I need to get back to my lover before my husband got home", or "I was in the middle of sacrificing a goat when you pulled in", or "I need to get back to cleaning my guns." But I opted for a much nicer lie and told them I needed to get into the shower because I had a meeting to get to. Of course they left me the pamphlets which I now have sitting on the counter tormenting my husband. LOL