No Job, 3:10 to Yuma and Old Folks

I was ever so productive today - yeah right.

First, this morning I talked to the company that I have had 4 interviews with in the past few months. Yes, 4 fucking interviews and they have yet to tell me to hit the road or hire me. They are really starting to piss me off. Of course my ex-boss keeps telling me to remain patient and that I need to realize that the bigger companies such as this one that I have been speaking with are sometimes slow to react. Well, I say they need to shit or get off the pot because I am about done playing games. Of course, I cannot really tell them I am tired of them jerking my chain since, afterall, I am without employment at the time. But it still pisses me off.

Now, since it was actually supposed to rain today (which it did not), and I was pissed off about not being able to get this job offer yet - I decided to got the movies and sulk in a bag of popcorn, some chocolate covered raisins and a big ass soda. So, I took a shower, brushed my hair, put on a bra and headed to town. 3:10 to Yuma was my next stop.

My life has become so mundane that I found myself flirting with the guy working the concession stand. Oh yes, yes - I did. I placed my order and his helper girl told me that they were out of butter - just so I knew. Before I could stop myself, I scrunched up my nose, made a pouty face and told the popcorn guy that it was okay, I knew it wasn't really butter. Then I smiled (oh, I forgot to mentioned I also whitened my teeth this morning) and told him I knew it was really oil wasn't it. He said yes, to which I replied that there were better things to put oil on than popcorn. How bad it that. He did get what I was implying though, and grinned and agreed that yes, there were better things to put oil on. *SIGH* I have become a lonely housewife flirting with the twenty-somethingish guy who probably still lives in his parents' basement.

Okay, now on to the movie itself - well almost.

Am I the only one who was shocked that most of the people at the 1:15 movie on a Tuesday afternoon are all over the age of 60 (well, except me)? And that they, apparently, like to talk during the entire movie. The ladies behind me seemed to think that they knew exactly what was going to happen next (which, by the way, they did not). And there was this couple sitting to my right. During the previews the wife asked the husband if the movie was going to be violent. Except she said "violet". Her husband corrected her several times emphasizing that she ment viOleNt, not violet - making very sure that he pointed out the O and the N in the word. It was falling on deaf ears.

As I sat there mulling what my life has become - listening to the old folks watching the commericals and previews - what comes up on the screen, but an ad for a local a capella group. The ad asked if we knew that there was an award winning a capella group in the area. Why no, no I did not. But before I could even care, up on the screen comes about 100 men all dressed the same singing a song about someone loving them and nobody believing that this person loved them. Gosh, color me surprised. Then the camera panned in for a close-up shot of these men. I about choked on my popcorn. You should have seen the faces they were making as they sang. It was way over-the-top. Their eyes would get very big and they would make these twisted animated faces. One of the ladies behind me exclaimed, "My heavens, they appear to be in pain." I couldn't stop giggling after that. I mean seriously, I had tears streaming down my face and every time they'd show another close-up someone in the audience would snicker - which really sent me into fits. I couldn't stop.

Luckily the movie started shortly thereafter and I was able to compose myself. Aside from the commentary from the the old ladies that thought they were Angela Landsbury or something - the movie was very good. I have always liked Russel Crow and Christian Bale ain't too bad to look at either. So if you get a hankerin' for a decent Western, I'd recommend 3:10 to Yuma. However, I'd not suggest seeing it in the middle of the week, in the middle of the afternoon. On second thought, yes I would. Because maybe then I'd have better company. LOL

Take That, Dad

Many of you know that my dad passed away over two years ago (my goodness, has it been that long). Oh gosh, it will be 3 years in February. Where does the time go. Anyway, my dad was a bit of a prankster. He especially liked to pull pranks on my mom. My sisters and I? Well we figured him out when we were pretty young - probably because he passed along what we call his "shithead" gene to us girls and we thought too much like him to fall victim. Heck, one winter, my youngest sister came home from school to find my mom sitting on the floor by the wood burning fireplace crunching pieces of newspaper into a very neat, specific shape. She was making extreme efforts to start at one corner, roll them ever so tightly at a diagonal as she scrunched it all to the center. Oh, she apparently had quite the pile of these pieces of paper. "Why?", you ask, was she doing such a ridiculous thing? Dad. Yep, dad had told her that if she rolled them that way they would burn better, thus starting the fire better. Now, you all must realize that my mother had been married to my father for over 20 years at that point. Needless to say, she was quite gullable. My dad came into the house with an armfull of wood as my sister gave a sideways glace my mother's direction. My dad gave my sister his signature shit eating grin and a wink - which was a sign not to let on to my mom that she (my sister) knew what he was up to. Of course, my sister let my mom finish her project before she informed her that dad had just played a joke on her.

So why am I retelling all of this? Because this morning I was dusting my fireplace mantle and I remembered that story. And on my fireplace mantle I have this wood carving of a man with crazy-ass hair on a motorcyle that my daughter gave me for mother's day the year before dad passed away. On that wood carving is a necklace that my daughter braided. On that necklace is a locket that has some of dad's ashes in it (I know, gross - but it made my mother happy). My dad was a bike rider - so we couldn't help but to put that necklace on the carving. Next to that carving is another wood carving of a giraffe that I bought in the Virgin Islands. You know, because there are ever so many giraffes running wild in the Virgin Islands. So, as I was remembering dad and his antics, I thought I would put that giraffe's butt right up against the motorcyle rider. Try to fix that, dad. LOL Now, if that fucking giraffe is moved tomorrow morning - well I guess then dad is still the king of pranksters.

Don't Tell Anyone

Seriously, I cannot believe I am about to say this....................it seems something weird is going on..............and I don't even have a full moon to blame it on.................................okay, here it goes: I caught Justin Timberlake on Oprah yesterday and now I am considering going out and buying his CD. *GASP* Now, now - in my defense, he was on there with Reba singing a duet. So in reality I was watching Reba and he just happened to be there. But I found him completely adorable when he was talking to Oprah. What is up with that? To make things seem even more desparate, I even went and checked out his website. *Gasp* I am not completely gone, though - as I didn't sign up for his enewsletter nor did I become a member of his fan club. But I do have a trip planned to Wally World tomorrow to pick up some tomatoes for a pasta receipe I saw on Rachel Ray and I am stopping by the music section.............................I need help. Or maybe I just need a fucking job so I stop watching so much tv in the afternoons.

Don't Give the Professor Sugar

Alright, I admit it - I like listening to my political science professor lecture. He is a complete nerd, and if I had actually paid any attention in civics or history in highschool I'd probably not find it as enlightening. But I didn't, so I do. And, this was a class that I was dredding having to sit through. The guy has started to grow on me. However, tonight the little feller was a bit of a lunatic. He'd start out behind the podium, move in front of the podium, sit on the table beside the podium and at one point actually laid on the table beside the podium. He was making jokes only he found amusing - okay, one of the 18 year old kids was laughing too - but that doesn't count because 18 year olds don't really know what is funny. And he couldn't seem to stop himself from doing impressions - bad impressions. His George Bush sounds exactly like his Ross Perot. Finally, after class was over he did apologize and say that he had too many Dr. Peppers. Thank goodness, I was beginning to think he had spent too much time in his other classes today doing his Darth Vadar impression, thus restricting his oxygen intake (I told you he was a geek). When class started he went to Youtube to show us a clip from one of the Republican debates - but before he found what he was looking for he showed us the Dramatic Chipmunk. Have you seen this? It is funny as hell, but not nearly as funny as watching him giggle like a little girl while he watched it.

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Isn't America grand! You can get laid off, collect unemployment, and can watch tv all day long. Actually I only watch Rachel Ray in the morning and then do chores and projects. But this morning during a commercial, I was flipping the channels and low and behold, there it was, The Jerry Springer Show. It was like a car wreck. I knew there would be moral consequences for watching it - all with the hope of seeing some carnage or blood or something disgusting. But I couldn't help myself I stayed there for several minutes in awe. I watched enough of it to see two pale, hairy, ugly, skinny men in spandex half shirts and shorts on either side of a chunky, equally pale girl as the man on the right contended that he only slept with the girl's brother twice (he was the man on the left). The man on the right was explaining that he was just experimenting with her brother - but he LOVED her.

Good gracious - I feel like I need to shower just re-telling the tale. How do people watch that shit? Maybe I was doing it wrong. I had showered, brushed my teeth and didn't have on a moo-moo or lycra pants. I was eating oatmeal instead of smoking a Marlboro drinking a Millwaukee's Best. Maybe that was the problem. There was even a nasty chick in the audience lifting up her shirt to show a handwritten note on her stomach that said "HI MOM". Her mother must be so proud.

Sucker or Savior? You be the judge.

Today is the day that I either:
1. Became a sucker
2. Did a good deed

I'd like to hope that it is #2. This afternoon I was at the gas station, finishing up pumping my gas, when I heard an "excuse me". I turned to see an average looking man in his 50's. He proceeded to tell me that he is driving his wife, who is disabled, to Columbia, Missouri. Her mother, who is in her 80's, just had a heart attack and they needed to get to the hoptital. I turned to the area he was gesturing to and saw a very heavy women (okay, she was FAT) sitting in an old chevy. He continued to tell me that he stopped at several churches to ask for assistance in getting his wife to see her dying mother, but they wouldn't help him. He asked me if I believed that they wouldn't help him. He said he couldn't understand it - that churches were supposed to help - but they wouldn't. I told him I had a few bucks to spare and gave him $10. But I looked him straight in the eye and told him that I never believed in Church, but I do belive in God and good deeds. I told him that I also believe that there is a hell and that if he is taking my $10 to scam me then he will most likely be burning in that hell. He took the money with some apprehension, thanked me and then walked over to the gas pump and pumped his gas. The more I think about it, the more I think I am a sucker. Oh well, it was part of the unemployment check I got on Friday anyway - so it really wasn't my money for very long anyway. LOL